August 22, 2005
Last week, while visiting the hospital, I met a man named Daniel who is battling pancreatic cancer. He spoke very eloquently as he opened his heart about his fears of death and his wanderings of faith. He had fought two manor battles in his life, namely a heroin addiction and a career in acting; and he had achieved victory in both of those. He recognized this battle with cancer as his third and perhaps final great battle, but wasn’t clear how to approach the battlefield.
Some of his family and friends were telling him “Do not go gently into that good-night,” as in the poem by Dylan Thomas, Rage against the Darkness. He could try to pretend that the doctors didn’t know what they were talking about when they said he had at most 6 months to live and fight it with “positive thinking”. He had a sense though that all that kind of talk was something of an illusion and that there was no point in “raging” unto death. He was even noticeably relieved to talk with someone who understood that life is a great gift from God to be cherished and lived to the full with every breath He gives us, but that how many breaths we take is not completely in our control.
When he asked about heaven and I shared with him my excitement and anticipation for it, he also began to show an excitement of clarity. “It sounds like your daddy sayin’ ‘let’s go for a train ride’” he said, “and you don’t know exactly where you’re going, but you know it’s going to be a great time!”
With that understood, Daniel’s role in this battle also became clearer to both of us. His position in the Church militant is to fight to have a complete trust in whatever God is asking of him, no matter how many days, weeks, or years he may be on this earth. His life is to have an impact on his family and friends by the honesty of his questions and the strength of his trust in his Heavenly Daddy.
Let’s pray for Daniel and all those in a similar position in the spiritual battle, that we may learn from each other the strength of faithful surrender to God, and that they may lead us in a courageous and peaceful charge toward Paradise.
Fr. Richard Roemer, CFR
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