March 31, 2009
Dear Friends of the Friars,
 |
Fr. Robert Stanion, CFR May he rest in peace |
It is with great sorrow that we, the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, share with you, our friends, the news that our beloved brother in the Lord and Saint Francis, Father Robert Stanion, died at 1 o'clock in the afternoon on March 23rd in Las Vegas, Nevada. Father Robert was stationed at San Juan Diego Friary located in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Those of you who knew Father Robert were well aware that his health has been fragile for a number of years. He died in the presence of his brother friars after receiving the holy sacraments following complications after surgery. The friars, together with the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal, and our lay associates, extend our deepest sympathy to his mother Jean, Father Robert’s brothers Dennis, James, and Charles, and his sisters Carol and Charlene.
Father Robert was one of the eight original Capuchin friars who began the Community of Franciscan Friars of the Renewal in the Spring of 1987. He was born on April 1, 1947 in Boston, Massachusetts and entered the New York-New England Province of the Capuchin Franciscan Order in March of 1966. He made is final profession on May 8, 1972.
For many years “Brother Bob” served his Capuchin confreres as a cook in Hudson, New Hampshire and Brooklyn, New York. Before beginning studies for the priesthood he lived with Father Benedict Groeschel and served as cook at Trinity Retreat House located in Larchmont, New York. After completing his studies at Fordham University and Saint Joseph Seminary, he was ordained to the priesthood on May 16, 1992.
Anyone who knew Father Robert cannot think of him without a smile – and a story! I would say that Father Robert wasn’t simply “a character,” but a character and three quarters! Only a Thesaurus could provide enough adequate adjectives to describe this warm, wonderful, at times wacky, faithful follower of Saint Francis. Some years ago, at a doctor’s visit, he was told he had the body of an eighty year man. Well, if physically he was old, in every other way he was extremely youthful, energetic, outgoing, adventurous. Despite his age and infirmities, he never lost that “boyish” quality which gave so much joy to so many.
Father Robert was an individual you didn’t just meet – you encountered. Strangers were only friends to whom he had not yet been introduced. There were, however, a few lucky individuals who were automatically escorted into his inner circle of “special” friends. For example, if you were born on his birthday, the first of April, or if you loved icons, collected gems, or raised chickens. Yet, even those who didn’t have exotic interests found themselves somewhere in his veritable solar system of friends. If someone was to write a biography of Father Robert it should be entitled, “Never a Dull Moment.” Yes, Father Robert never had a dull moment because life and everything that filled it was, in his eyes, both bright and beautiful.
I had the privilege of knowing Father Robert for over thirty years. When we first met and lived together at Trinity Retreat, he was known as “Brother Bob.” He was slimmer and more agile back then, yet despite the years, two noticeable characteristics would never change – his impish grin and the endearing twinkle in his eye.
Father Robert had many wonderful qualities; he was, above all, a generous man. If you showed but a bit of an interest in plants or rocks or icons, often you staggered home with your arms full of whatever cluttered his little cell. Most people, sooner or later, walked away with something – a book, a relic, or small gem – whatever you valued was of value to him. But, Father Robert didn’t simply offer you a gift – he gave you one! He didn’t know the meaning of, “Oh, no thank you.” If he gave you something, you had to swear you wouldn’t give it away!
He also gave gifts which you couldn’t hold in your hands, but fit easily into your head and heart – a tender prayer, a curious prophecy, some wise advice, and at times, a strong admonition. To many he gave a knowledge and appreciation of their family history or cultural heritage. For example, if your ancestry was Sicilian, Irish, Greek or Russian, you learned some interesting fact or funny phrase. Yes, Father Robert was a gift-giver, and what he gave no store could ever sell – because they came from the wonderful storeroom of his very expansive heart.
Father Robert was a sincere and unpretentious man. He disliked any signs of duplicity. He had little patience with the hypocritical or the haughty. These he aptly described as people who “had their girdles on too tight!” There was something inside him which reacted to the narrow-minded or the mean-spirited. The more “uppity” you acted, the more you deserved to be brought down to earth. If he caught you prancing on a pedestal – down you came – yet no one really ever really hurt themselves in the fall. He loved slap-stick comedy – the sight of a sour-pussed queen getting smacked with a cream pie – how he would laugh!
Father Robert was industrious. In fact, when you least expected someone to do something, our friend was up and at ‘em. Why? Well, someone has to water the ailing orchids or collect scraps for compost or squeeze hundreds of over ripe tomatoes for sauce. Whether you were ready or not – he was always ready. Yes, what the ordinary person completely overlooked, Father Robert immediately had in his crosshairs. You would think that the word “wait” meant “go” in Father Robert’s dictionary. Especially in the kitchen, when he had a menu in mind – watch out – the pots and pans would fly around the room! The distance between Father Robert and his desire was a very short line!
However, more times than not, in the end, we all became the beneficiary of his industry and spontaneity. Father Robert had a clock and calendar different from those with whom he lived. As a local servant, I can’t tell you how many times we had to wait before the six-o’clock meal was brought to the table. Yet every annoyance melted away when at six-thirty we were all finally eating and enjoying a meal you could only get at first-class restaurant.
Father Robert was adventurous. For the same reason, traveling with him was always a trip with a capital “T.” He always, always, had some side-trip hidden up his sleeve. Those of us who knew him – and traveled with him – knew that between your location and destination he knew 10 people. So, you learned not to make plans for a quick or scheduled return. When visiting him in New Mexico, our day trip was just “slightly adjusted” a few times as we made a stop to look at this flower or that rock. I even spent some sweet time with him at an ostrich farm. Of course we got home after dark with long green iridescent plumes and empty eggs as big as melons. Yes, when you said “yes” to Father Robert, you said yes to an adventure. As one friar put it, youget “kindly kidnapped.”
Father Robert was not a quitter or a complainer. Indeed, he was a courageous man. He didn’t allow his physical disabilities to keep him down. His determination was at times daunting – especially when he got behind the wheel. Father Robert didn’t so much drive the car – he aimed the car. As his neck was somewhat locked, he couldn’t easily turn to see if a car was approaching at his side – so he simply lowered the window and listened. If you were a passenger, this could be a bit frightening, but closing one’s eyes and praying a few Hail Mary’s helped. I don’t recall Father Robert getting even a fender bender, but I suspect he has already had a long sit down with his Guardian Angel.
And speaking about heavenly realities, we all know that our brother, Father Robert, had many friends in high places. If you knew anything about him, you knew how much he loved and knew about the saints. If they had a phone, he knew their number! He had a steel trap memory, and when it came to the saints, he could tell us stories and interesting facts. The more obscure the saint – the more he knew. He loved, in a special way, Saint Therese and Saint Serafin of Sarov. He loved the saints of the East and West, North and South. No doubt, when our brother finally enters into heaven, there will be few formal introductions and many animated conversations!
It must be said that above all, Fr. Robert had not only the eye and the hand of an artist, but indeed the soul of an artist. In this regard he was more like his holy nemesis Saint Bonaventure than he would like to admit. Father Robert recognized and read the Book of Creation every day – and in every way. He saw, and heard, smelled, and tasted the vestiges of the Almighty everywhere – and in all these he found great delight. What we casually overlooked, he carefully looked over – a cobalt colored sky, glints of light jumping off a gem, the taste of almost anything cooked in olive oil, the pale shimmer of a gold leaved icon, and the sweet fragrance of magnolias or lilies. If these were the finger or footprints of the Almighty, then music was His voice. He loved music: Byzantine or Beethoven or Bluegrass. Like his father Saint Francis, he loved not only to listen and to sing, but to dance. A thyroid operation made his once very fine voice high pitched and raspy and rheumatoid arthritis bent his back a bit – yet neither these or other disabilities could keep his joy a secret. Especially at community celebrations – how he would laugh and laugh when he got up and danced like a tipsy Hassidic Jew swaying his chubby hands in the air and singing with his Yiddish accent, “Harvey and Sheila.”
Father Robert was like our Lord and our Father Saint Francis, a brother. Father Robert was a non-conformist; he was his own man, yet he was never narcissistic or self-absorbed. Like Saint Paul, “he became all things to all men.” Perhaps it was for this reason that Father Robert always wanted to retain the title “brother.” Even when he was bent over and looked more like a grandpa – he was everyone’s big brother. He treated everyone with an uncommon ease and familiarity. He was playful even with very important people; he loved to call Cardinal Cooke “your M&M's” - to the prelate’s delight!
While many people have multiple stories about our brother, Father Robert, I have one you may never have heard. It’s entitled “How Father Robert Made the President of the United States Stand Up For Life.”
When Cardinal O’Connor was buried out of Saint Patrick Cathedral, many dignitaries, including President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary, where in attendance. Of course, they sat in the front row closest to the aisle. During the homily, the Cardinal who was preaching stated something to the effect that Cardinal O’Connor was “unabashedly pro-life.” Well, guess who couldn’t help himself and broke from the herd? For three seconds, the only sound in the cathedral was Father Robert applauding a statement that 99%of the audience was waiting to hear. Feeling a bit embarrassed for him, I joined in, then the priests behind me – in seconds the pro-life wildfire spread throughout the cathedral. Then, an auxiliary bishop broke ranks and stood up, then another, then the Cardinals together with the congregation. Almost everyone’s eyes were on the Clintons, whose bottoms were burning in the pew – then slowly, and reluctantly, they both stood up as the applause continued even louder. Yes, believe it or not, President Clinton and Hillary stood up for life – thanks to our own brother, Father Robert.
Father Robert had get up and go, even if this got slower over the years. He was both boyish and buoyant. Yet, those of us who knew him recognize he had another part to him – not far below, swimming beneath the surface of his fun loving and effervescent personality was a soul well-stocked with wisdom, deep faith, and practical charity. As is often the case, as his physical health declined, his spiritual health became increasingly visible and virile. On the outside, he slowly became stiff and arthritic, but inside, spiritually swift and extraordinarily agile.
It is often the case that at a person’s death we are in some way awakened to the unique beauty of the gift that is now taken away from us. While our brother was happy-go-lucky in many ways, he was also holy. He was a man of profound faith, hope, and love – the theological virtues which unite us to the very life of God. If indeed he had a solar system of friends, smack in the center was his best friend, Jesus Christ. He would remind us in a million ways that Jesus, and only He, is the source of life, of beauty, of goodness. Yes, our brother, father, and friend, the one who loved and also painted icons, had become an icon. We saw Divinity peeking through his very human personality – in his mischievous elfin smile, his disarming signs of affection, his zest, his faith. Surely he had his weaknesses, yet he was not afraid to show them. It was not below him to kneel down before a person he might have offended by his impatience and beg forgiveness.
Father Thomas Merton, monk and spiritual writer, penned something which I believe in this case applies: He writes:
“..sometimes holy men have been very exasperating people and tiresome to live with. If you do not believe me it is because you think the saints were always perfect, and never had any faults to fight against. But God sometimes permits men to retain certain defects and imperfections, blind spots and eccentricities, even after they have reached a high degree of sanctity, and because of these things their sanctity remains hidden from them and other men.”
Yes, he was a character. While he sometimes had the will of a mule, he had the spirit of a mustang. Perhaps this is why he didn’t see himself buried shoulder to shoulder in a row, but someplace perhaps set apart from others under the big bold sky and untamed beauty of the Southwest. Like a wild mustang, Father Robert loved not only the beauty, but the liberty of the expansive plain. For men such as these only the distant horizon deserves to be their corral. Yes, he had a spirit which just could not be contained by any binding saddle, bridle or bit.
Many of us who love Father Robert, including family members, friars and friends, may never have an opportunity to place flowers or pause to say a prayer at his graveside. He is physically leaving us forever, but perhaps this is Father Robert’s way of telling us to let go of him so we can cling to something even greater. Each one of us has our memory, our encounter with him, our story. He gave to us the gift of himself. These we will visit often – whenever we want, wherever we are. Let us visit him often – and remember – and smile, indeed laugh, even in our darkest days.
Let us remember the lesson God has taught us with this true son of Saint Francis. Let us love life and everything that fills it. Let us behold the beauty about us, beneath us, and most importantly within us – and one another. Let us give the gift of God’s love and word to everyone – even when they don’t ask, and perhaps even when they don’t want it. Let us learn to be generous, sincere, and industrious. Let us pray that we too have an artist’s eye to see the beauty of God all around us. This is what Father Robert taught us – and perhaps this lesson is exactly what we and our world need to learn.
May he soon join all his heavenly friends at the eternal wedding feast of the Lamb. And let us hope that when we arrive at the feast, Our Good Lord be so kind to have our Father, brother, and friend cooking in the kitchen!
Fr. Glenn Sudano, CFR
Most Blessed Sacrament Friary
Newark, NJ
_________________________________________________________________________
If you would like to share a special memory or story about Fr. Robert, please send it to us at:
We will post some of your letters here on the e-letter page. Thank you!
Click here for photos from the wake and Requiem Mass