March 9, 2007

Let us switch roles for a moment—you’re the priest and I’m the penitent. I come into the confessional, kneel down and say:

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been one month since my last confession, and here are my sins. I got angry about six times, and took the name of the Lord in vain. I believe I spoke negatively about my boss about eight times, and I believe I’ve been too hard on the kids. I got upset with my wife a few times, and cursed at someone who cut me off on the freeway. My wife told me that I’m too cynical; maybe she’s right. And I think I need to learn patience. That’s it, Father.”

Well, you’re the priest—what insights and advice do you have to offer before giving absolution?

It is quite obvious that the penitent is struggling with anger. Although, if you asked the question, “Do you think that you may be angry about something,” they might respond with a surprised tone, “Me, angry? I don’t believe so, Father.” Yes, it is true, despite the evidence, many of us don’t see ourselves as we are. This is one of many reasons a sacramental confession is a great help in the spiritual life. We are often too close to ourselves to see ourselves, so we need another to be our “mirror.”

No one needs a degree in pastoral counseling or psychotherapy to discern that the penitent is emotionally “on edge.” Something is stuck in their craw—what Saint Paul would describe as a “thorn in the flesh.” At times, a person can be so angry or anxious for so long that they even “forget” they’re angry or anxious. They have become so used to their subtle and persistent pain, they have almost forgotten what real peace and joy feels like. This is why it is important for you, the priest, to introduce the idea of finding a time and place for prayer each day.

Those of you who read “From the Friars” every day are well aware that the friars and sisters often write about the necessity of prayer for a healthy spiritual life. However, we are not only spiritual beings, but also material beings—human beings composed of spirit, soul, and body. Each of these are related to one another and indeed affect one another. For example, if we are ashamed or embarrassed, we might turn bright red from the blood rushing to our head. Anxiety also affects our digestion, and if intense, our breathing and ability to think. Depression makes us sleepy, and fear increases our heart rate. We are not disembodied spirits; we are human beings.

This is the reason why anger and anxiety seem to cling to us and don’t just disappear. We “carry them with us” somewhere inside, and like a mentally illperson, we wander aimlessly about pushing an invisible shopping cart full of junk. Trash becomes our treasure. Of course, our emotional garbage is “packed away”—either upstairs in our attic (our memory), or downstairs in the basement (our emotions). This is why so many people get physically sick; it is because they are emotionally toxic.

Now, there is a home remedy which people believe does the trick, namely, they “get away,” In short, they escape and do all sorts of things, like drink or take illegal drugs, to numb the pain. Perhaps for many of us, our escape hatch is not so dramatic or deadly, but in reality is still an unhealthy escape. We spend an inordinate amount of time eating, sleeping, shopping, playing, working, watching television—you name it. Yet, there is another remedy, a remedy which really works, and that is prayer. Yes, we must all find a quiet time and place where we can courageously go “upstairs and downstairs,” not only to examine and evaluate our emotional junk, but to ask Jesus, “the Divine garbage man,” to get rid of it! Anger and anxiety may not kill your body, but they can make you and those around you very miserable. They rob us and everyone, especially those we love, of the peace and joy for which we were made. Try this remedy, and guaranteed, your next confession will be better than your last!

Fr. Glenn Sudano, CFR

Most Blessed Sacrament Friary, Newark, NJ

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