As
I was kneeling in front of Fr. Glenn, slowly saying the words of the vows,
I was trembling inside. Was I nervous because I was in front of 500 people
or was I afraid of the mystery that would unfold before me as the "rest of
my life" began? In truth I cannot say. Perhaps it was a little of both or
something else that I do not understand. Who knows?
Still
trembling inside, I then went to the side of the altar and then up the green
and white marble steps to sign the "vow document", which waited for me on
the altar, just as the bread and wine wait for the hands of a priest. While
penning the last signature, I was overwhelmed by an unusual peace, strong
though gentle, as something that moves very slowly but carries with it a
tremendous force. I did not have any thoughts like "now my life is complete"
or "now I am fulfilled." I was far too nervous to think of anything coherent,
let alone profound. Nonetheless this peace came. I believe that
it was the peace of doing God's will. It was-or rather, is-a peace stemming
from freedom. Freedom from doubt, freedom from confusion and from interior
conflict; all give birth to this peace. Of course, I know that these will
return, but they will never have the strength with which they once confronted
me.
Isn't
life funny? To be free from doubt and inner conflict, we must
bindourselves
to something. It is only by limiting ourselves, our desires, passions and
preferences, that we are free to live for the other. This is the Freedom
to Love, much like that of marriage, giving one's life to a spouse through
and in the will and love of God. That's Freedom! That's Life! That's Love!
And so my call , my vocation, that of married couples as well as that of
single people are all embraced by the strong arms of our all Loving Father
who gently but firmly guides us toward Himself. I pray that I might truly
fulfill my promises. May they not become empty as the hollow walls of an
abandoned building in a city which rushes by without noticing. Rather, may
they be filled with life and laughter, with the young and the old, with
joy and sorrow, victories and defeats. May they provide shelter for all
who come, seeking protection, comfort, peace. But most of all may they be
filled with love, with love for Christ growing stronger each day. May it
never grow cold, but only grow stronger until its flames consume me, as
Christ allowed His love for us to consume Him.
I pray that you too
might grow more and more alive through your vocation, whatever it may be.
That you might know the freedom to love through the commitment
you have made or will make. In this may the Lord give you His peace.