A Pious Farmer

Bro. Conrad was born Dec. 22, 1818, at the Venushof in Parzham, a family farm located on what was once the land of the Cistercian Abbey of Fürstenzell near Passau, Bavaria. Johann Evangelist Birndorfer was the second youngest of 12 children, five of whom died in infancy. His parents, Bartholomew Birndorfer and Gertrude Nieder-Mayrinn, had a comfortable home on 500 acres of gently undulating fertile countryside, broken here and there by patches of woodland.

The day of his birth, the future saint was baptized in the parish church of S. Wolfgang in Weng, where his parents had been married 18 years earlier.

Despite the difficult Napoleonic times, the Venushof prospered. There was plenty of work, and life at the Birndorfer household was idyllic and patriarchal. They treated their help very well. The family enjoyed material blessings, too. One witness testified, "None of the Birndorfer boys had to serve in the army. During the winter the Venushof offered hospitality every evening to travelers like tradesmen or people down on their luck."

The Birndorfer family received the sacraments of the church regularly, and Johann made great strides in practicing his religion. He carried his rosary with him and loved to pray it with his companions. The rosary was a familiar prayer at the Venushof, where the family recited it each Saturday. Every evening they prayed the Angelus. And no matter how bad the weather, Johann never missed Mass, though he sometimes had to wade through pools of water up to his knees.

From early childhood Hänsel developed a taste for silence and solitude and sought out the most unlikely prayer sites, like the barn or out of the way places before an image of the Madonna. He put up pictures of the saints and the suffering Christ in the stable and other sites around the farm. It was not surprising that he was called the "little angel of Venushof." He was a gentle, good-natured youngster. Like St. Aloysius Gonzaga, one of his favorites, he was a model for the rest of the young men; and if he were present, they were careful about their language. "Quiet! Here comes Hänsel," the servants used to say, "If he doesn't become a saint, no one will."

Hänsel was fond of fresh air and farm work. In the fields, he acted more like one of the hired hands than the son of the proprietor. He would rather do a job himself than ask someone else to do it. As he worked he used to sing the Ave Maria and other hymns. He always worked bareheaded even under the burning sun, even though his father advised him to wear a hat to avoid sunstroke.

"Young Birndorfer was never cut out to be a farmer," a blacksmith's wife once observed. "He was meant for prayers, penance and works of charity."

Yet he was a hard worker. After his job was done he found relaxation on his knees. He prayed while he raked or pitched hay. While the animals browsed in the fields he could be seen turning the pages of his prayerbook. One time while his wagon was creaking its way down a narrow lane the horses bolted and dumped both hay and driver in the road.

Hänsel had been completely absorbed in his book of devotions. The incident earned him a good deal of teasing and a reprimand. But he got up without a word, righted his wagon, reloaded it and drove off as if nothing had happened.

Though he was successful in managing farm animals, he was not always able to control his fellow humans. Whenever he saw some boys fighting he tried to stop them. If they paid no attention to him, he left them alone. If he heard blasphemy, he knelt down and prayed.

When Hänsel was 14, his mother died. He often visited the cemetery at Weng to pray over her grave. Two years later he lost his father. This fresh sorrow further stimulated his devotional life. The little altar he kept in his room was the solitary witness of the long nights spent in prayer. Sometimes morning came and his bed had not been slept in. He often left his meals untouched. His sisters took note, and tried to moderate his penances. He smiled but was not going to allow himself to be bossed by women. Only his confessors were able to temper his zeal, especially Fr. Franz Xavier Dullinger to whom young Birndorfer went to confession every week or two.

Johann attended Mass and received Communion as often as possible. He was familiar with all the churches and shrines in the area. On holy days he put on his best clothes and nothing could stop him from going to Griesbach for the first Mass there, then to the solemn high Mass at Weng. In the afternoon he attended vespers at Birnbach. He was accustomed to rising at an early hour, four a.m., in the summer.

Sometimes he found the doors of the churches locked. He was a familiar sight to all the sacristans and the devout old ladies who were up at the crack of dawn. As he waited for the church to open, he prayed at the door.

Once inside he always sat in the first pew to the left, close to the wall. In winter he would find shelter on the church porch which offered some protection against the weather. When Mass was over he was the last one to leave the church. If he thought he was alone he used to rise from his pew and kneel down on the lowest step of the altar. Sometimes he would remain there for hours, as one inquisitive lady observed. On his way home he took the less traveled roads and bypassed six taverns of Birnbach where the jovial Bavarians might crack some earthy jokes about his piety.

As he walked along the road he kept his eyes cast down and greeted passersby with "Praised be Jesus Christ." Some people called him a fanatic, but that didn't bother him at all. In many respects he was like other Bavarian Catholics. He said the same prayers and sang the same hymns. The difference was, he never seemed to tire. Other pilgrims were not always eager to march with him. He started out very early to make a pilgrimage to, perhaps, Marianhilberg in Passau. There was no idle chatter along the way. Either they kept silence or said their prayers. The hours on the road stretched out like the beads of a rosary that was never finished.

At time he would break silence but then only to explain how to meditate on the passion of Christ during the Mass. Fasting was no problem for him. "Why don't you take some breakfast," he was asked. He answered: "I don't need any. Prayer is enough for me." It was not a very logical answer, but it made sense to him and that was all that mattered. He was a member of a number of prayer groups, youth organizations and confraternities like that of Perpetual Adoration, the Mass guild at Birnbach, the Scapular society at Klösslarn and, of course, the Franciscan Third Order at Altötting.

The Young Capuchin

He was 31 years of age when he went to the door of the Capuchin friary at Altötting. The local superior, Fr. Thomas Hacker, received him as a candidate. After six months he was given the Third Order habit and assigned to help the porter of the friary. Johann had been a secular Franciscan for the past eight years. From that time on he was known as Bro. Conrad in honor of St. Conrad of Piacenza, S.F.O., a 14th century Franciscan hermit and penitent.

Conrad found the life hard at first, as he admitted in a letter to his family, but he soon got used to it. "Our day is divided between prayer and work and I have little time left for anything else. On feast days we are kept very busy at the door. I am very happy and in good health. I don't need anything. The brothers are very kind; we are really concerned for one another. We are never sad, but joyful in the Lord. There are 10 fathers and 11 brothers stationed here. In the beginning I felt ill at ease living in such a large group because of my natural shyness. I soon got to know them all and am getting along much better. I tried to learn all their names. If you work at the door you have to know all the friars. The people want to see sometimes one, sometimes another. Now, thanks be to God, I know them all by name and also where their cells are located." It was a little letter written at the beginning of 1850 full of simple joy.

In March of 1851, he had to leave Altötting to go to Burghausen to take care of a sick priest. The parting was painful for him. He writes about it with his usual terseness, "I have to leave this blessed place, I cannot hide the fact that it is costing me a lot to go... Time had passed so quickly that I can hardly believe that I have been here a year and nine months. Many people come here and we have little time to relax. Now obedience calls me elsewhere... Pray that I may become a true son of St. Francis and as such live and die."

At Burghausen he had to look after old Fr. Sylvester, who was now very close to death, and he shared the cell of the sick priest day and night. Still a letter from Burghausen reveals that he was very content there, whereas at Altötting his duties as assistant porter had prevented him from sharing fully in the life of the community. Conrad makes reference in the letter to the "evil and dangerous times" in which they were living, apparently referring to the current atheistic and socialist movements and the rumors of impending war. He writes, "My dear ones, time is always so short. It is a great grace to take care of this sick friar. I must stay with him in his cell. I am glad to do it. I am in excellent health. I am very happy. I perform my religious duties and my work here is not as hard as it was at home. I wish you all the best. We are living in times when every devout soul must shudder. It looks as if the powers of hell were loosed and trying to ruin all that is good and religious. But the Lord is kind and merciful..."

Early in September 1851 the provincial, Fr. Michael Hazelbeck decided to send the young postulant to Laufen. There, on Sept. 17, Bro. Conrad exchanged his Tertiary habit for that of a Capuchin novice. His novice master was Fr. Stanislaus Schüster of Aufhofen. The local superior. Fr. Franz Xavier Kapplmayr of Illmünster (who as provincial minister sent the Bavarian friars to America in 1873) was seven years younger than Bro. Conrad, whose job in the novitiate was to help in the garden and orchard. After a month Conrad suffered from severe constipation complicated by bronchitis and had to take to bed. It marked the onset of a respiratory ailment from which he had to suffer the remainder of his life.

Not much is known about the details of his novitiate days. In one of his letters home, dated February 1852, he gives us some idea of the spiritual climate in which he lived. We find in it ascetic reflections evidently learned from the novice master. He wanted to become a real Capuchin. There were to be no half measures. He states, "It is some time since I last wrote, but I have not forgotten you. I have been somewhat unwell. Twice during Advent I had to spend a few days in bed. I feel better now. Pray that God may grant me good health if it be his will. I am happy in the Lord and have no desire to return to the world. You must realize that I am in the novitiate. Pray for me that I may complete the year successfully and become a good Capuchin not only by wearing the habit but in spirit as well. This is the way to live and die."

The novitiate year was a demanding one. Later on Bro. Conrad was to tell a young novice, "Our novitiate was much harder. Many a time you had to be satisfied with water and kneel on the floor." He loved his vocation as a very special grace. Keeping in mind his natural reticence, every one of his saying as recorded in the process takes on special significance. The sentences are short but rich in thought. "The way one is in the novitiate is the way he will be for the rest of his life." "A Capuchin is happy only when he lives according to his rule." "Either be a good Capuchin, or none at all." "I am not worthy to wear this habit."

His religious life style, which for all practical purposes started during his 30 years on the family farm, received its finishing touches at Laufen. He emerged from the novitiate a fully matured Capuchin, so that Bro. Primus Häusler, one of the most important witnesses at the process, could testify: "He became a Capuchin with all his body and soul."

Conrad's life goals were documented in 11 resolutions he made after considerable thought in the novitiate, probably during the retreat before profession. They give us a clear picture of the kind of Capuchin Bro. Conrad intended to be:

1. I resolve in the first place to remain continually in the presence of God and to ask myself frequently if I would do this or that if my confessor or superior were watching me and especially if God and my guardian angel were present.
2. I resolve to ask myself, whenever I have to encounter crosses of suffering, "Conrad, why have you come here?"
3. I resolve to avoid leaving the friary, as far as possible unless it be out of love for my neighbor, obedience, reasons of health, a pious pilgrimage or some other good cause.
4. I resolve to foster fraternal charity in myself and in others. Therefore I resolve to take care never to say an unkind word. I resolve to bear up patiently with the defects and weaknesses of others, and as far as possible to hide them with the mantle of charity unless I am in duty bound to manifest them to someone who is in a position to correct them.
5. I resolve to observe silence conscientiously. I resolve to speak briefly and so avoid many pitfalls and be better able to converse with God.
6. When at table I resolve to place myself in the presence of God as far as I can, to remain recollected and to pass up my favorite dishes so as to practice a hidden form of mortification. I resolve not to eat between meals unless ordered to do so under obedience.
7. I resolve to answer the first call of the bell unless legitimately hindered.
8. I resolve to avoid, as far as possible, conversing with the opposite sex unless obedience imposes duties on me which make it necessary to speak with women. In that case I resolve to be very reserved and maintain custody of the eyes.
9. I resolve to carry out orders punctually and to the letter. I resolve especially to make every effort to conquer my own will in all things.
10. I resolve to force myself to pay close attention to minor details and as far as possible avoid every imperfection. I resolve to observe the holy rule faithfully and not to depart from it a hairsbreadth, come what may.
11. I resolve to cultivate a deep devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary and strive to imitate her virtues.

His repeated "I resolve" is like a holy refrain that recalls the protestations of faith, obedience and service found in the testament of St. Francis. These resolutions help us understand many of the events in the life of Bro. Conrad during the long years he was to spend as porter of St. Ann in Altötting, a post he was to fill until his death.

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